Yeah, my back hurts. After all I’ve been sitting at my computer doing nothing for months (other than climbing the tallest mountains on every continent). As you know, this blog is all about my ego and providing more insipid advertising materials for Capella University. Who really cares about how many mountains or marathons I’ve run in? Who really cares that these things have nothing to do with buying a degree at Capella University? Just the same, let me tell you about all of the MANLY things I’ve done since my last post.
As noted, I managed to climb every one of the highest mountains on each continent; these are:
Africa - Kilimanjaro (5,895 meters/19,335 feet)
Antarcticia - Vinson Massif (4,897 meters/16,067 feet)
Asia - Mount Everest (8,850 meters/29,035 feet)
Europe - Elbrus (5,642 meters/18,510 feet)
North America - Mount McKinley (6,194 meters/20,320 feet)
South America - Aconcagua (6,962 meters/22,841 feet)
As a rule, I always wake up at 2 AM to begin my climbs and eat a LOT of Twinkies to give me energy. In addition, I drink 3 liters of water (aren’t you impressed that I can use the metric system?) before my climbs.
As to be expected, I experienced a lot of hazards during my climbs (which means that Capella University really is detrimental to your health). For example, I experienced blizzards on all of these peaks because I only climb during the worst weather conditions to show how manly I am.
Mt. Everest, Part Deux (Hey, I can speak French too!)
The weather on Everest was so bad that I decided to climb K2 first (by hopping on one foot) for practice.
Because I get up so early for my climbs, I nearly always forget my contacts. That doesn’t matter though because I never climb if the weather is good (which means there’s a lot of cloud cover) and would certainly never consider climbing if there was a full moon - it wouldn’t be very manly if I didn’t climb in when it wasn’t pitch dark. Besides, I like it when icicles form on my manly glasses.
In order to prove how manly I am, I decided to strip off my clothes as I climbed Vinson Massif. That was a really cool experience (pun intended) because I was totally naked by the time I reached the top of that peak. Aren’t you proud of me?!
Triathlon
Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Gosh, going to Capella University means that I can try to impress others by using BIG words! Words like hydrate and learner. I’m so proud of myself! Regardless, that also means that I’m going to show the world how manly I am by taking part in the Ironman Triathlon. I’m sure that’ll give Capella University some more publicity.
Twin Cities Marathon
I’m afraid I showed the world that I was a real dolt when I ran in the Twin Cities Marathon. As this studly event was held in Capella University’s hometown, I didn’t want to disappoint them (or fail to show what a MAN I really am) by running the race with a full-blown case of pneumonia. Not only did I have a sore throat, a headache, and a fever of 105° but I was still recovering from the frostbite I received from my nude climb up Vinson Massif. I later learned from my trainer (who lives in Austria) that I was very dumb (heck, that’s why I go to Capella University!) - others have suffered serious health problems from being as stupid. Of course, I wanted to show the world that I’m a REAL man so it really didn’t matter.
Ph.D.
Progress? What do my antics have to do with getting a Ph.D. at Capella University? Why nothing, of course! Just the same, expect nothing but foul weather if you decide to buy a degree from them.
Myles
